February 2011
& with a pain in my chest, i still wish you the...
inside, tantrums ignite too tired and lonely to fight the fight not enough strength, nor enough might passive aggressive, aggressively polite.
toothy smile, fake happy cheer afraid to speak to family and peers feeling out of place, feeling queer bound at the limbs, shackles of fear
stress, anger, no motivation strings of numerous miscommunications longing for a new vocation in dire need of a...
January 2011
my future is way too planned out but thats who i...
when i get married, i’m moving to california.
when if i get divorced, i’m moving to france.
both will involve wine, and cheese.
katy perry. a lot of people hate her or dismiss her. and of course a lot of people love her. she’s playing a concert here in june and i want to go but its all sold out. my best friend was nice enough to say she’d go with me even though she hate’s katy. but i wouldn’t make her go with me :) its enough for her to say she would and mean it.
i just listened to Teenage Dream in...
i just have to say...
i have seen far too many girls ruin their gorgeous faces with fake tan. don’t get me wrong, not everyone looks awful with a fake tan. i myself would look like a fool if i spent some time in a tanning bed, but there are some people that will look great. however, just because SOME people look good, doesnt mean everyone will. and just because you are pretty without a spray tan doesnt mean you...
I would be really excited for tonight if I wasn't...
natuhtack:
Take that as a warning.
Reblog if you want one of these in your askbox
A stupid question
A compliment
TMI
A story
A poem
About you
What you think about me
Why you follow me
If you met me what would you do
A cute message
One thing you want to tell me
i found a dollar at the movie theatre under my...
yesterday and today were a really good end to the week. i spent yesterday at emily’s and like i said before, i feel like family there. sometimes in my own home i feel unwanted. but there i feel like i am a part of the family. we watched gilmore girls and had pizza and went to see No Strings Attached, which was adorable. anything natalie portman is in is fine by me. not only is she beautiful,...
Eyes still closed
I awoke
Still in a dream
So surreal
Running through ghosts
They stared
Eyes blank
Arms out
Tried to carry me away from home
No chains to hold their arms down
Mouths parted so slightly
Never again would I feel anything but
Aggressively lonely if they had their way with me
I cried out
I ran down
Told my mother I needed her and she smiled
And turned me away
Hallways, endless...
if school is cancelled tomorrow, i owe emily a...
i am completely broke but i would buy her 5 fribbles with my last 30 bucks if it means no school tomorrow. seriously.
i want to tell you my secrets.
every day i feel a bit more overwhelmed, inadequate, wrong, sinful, distraught, unable to continue, disgusted, angry, shocked, regretful, disappointed, unloved, unmoved, bitter, anguish,…
the small spark of optimism i once had is gone. the small little piece of peace i felt is missing. my heart is literally broken, my brain is just fried. i resent myself for the ways my past has shaped my...
i was all excited to cash my bnty check until i came home and had an email asking me to send out transcripts and i had to pay more than the check was to send them out.
gruel.
so i guess they are going to steadily get bigger now but i would just like to say that WARPAINT it a wonderful lady band, and their song “billie holiday” is worth checking out, as well as their new album ‘the fool.’
i’m off to do “homework” now aka read for class and get distracted by tumblr and get ready for my work party at the bowling alley woo
also,...
J-E-T-S
natuhtack:
I guess, guess, guess.
what i want for my 21st bday
i dont expect anything from anyone but some people asked, so here’s what i would like for my 21st bday!
-victoria’s secret PINK hoodie, size medium or large
-nude heels, size 7
-a donation made in my name to either an animal shelter, or a battered women’s shelter
-giftcards to: lush, forever21, starbucks, dunkin, borders
-a new camera
-a northface
-weed [hahaha]
-makeup...
On weekends
Expectation:
Reality:
on a brighter note...
sunshine, daisies, butter mellow- turn this stupid fat rat yellow!
i really love books, but sometimes i envy the people who only love harry potter. because, obviously, if given the chance between
a) only reading harry potter forever, no other books
or
b) having my mind erased of harry potter, and never being allowed to read them, they’d be invisible to me; and being able to read any...
when you have seasonal depression, and it snows on a weekly-biweekly basis, and rains in between, you get bummed. when you don’t drive, it’s even worse. when all of your teachers have decided to create their own absence policy and not use the school’s policy, it’s a disaster waiting to happen. the school policy states that we have 3 freebie absences, and each subsequent...
this weekend was rough. friday i worked from 9 to 2 and then i somehow stayed up late to see Black Swan, which i already wrote about. when i went home, all of the feelings of impending doom swelled up inside of me and threatened to take me down. saturday i worked and it was one of the worst nights in a while for me. the woman in my department who worked all day apparently decided she didn’t...
norma jeane
reading “Goddess: the secret lives of marilyn monroe” by anthony summers. i own about ten books on marilyn, and i have more on my wishlist. i’m not sure when or why this started, but i have dedicated myself to reading all about her, developing my own thoughts and feelings about her. i am fiercely protective of her. i hate when biographers paint her as a dumb person, but also when...
black swan.
everyone either loved or hated black swan. i feel as if i was the last person to see it, making my thoughts irrelevant, my p.o.v useless. i thought it was amazing. i thought natalie portman pulled off a character i wasn’t sure she could. when i first saw the trailer for this movie, i thought it was a joke. literally. like a funny or die video that had gone horribly wrong. a dancer who turns...
“when it comes to human emotions, i’ve become very picky about wording… [I’ve] found a word that pegs me much better than the English ‘angry.’ the word comes from Ifaluk… the word is ‘song.’… ‘Song’ means the kind of ‘righteous indignation’ or ’justifiable anger’… a person is doing a disservice...
my college advice/plea for emily
dear best friend:
you are driving yourself insane every night wondering where to go and [it’s my understanding] that you are looking at more and more schools. unfortunately, it’s january and time is running out. now isn’t the time to add more to the list, its time to shorten the list. i know you know i am a planner, and you like to think of yourself as a free spirit. you are...
fences
with her, you wear gym shorts and t-shirts, and you let your hair get all messed up. and you take her to your house and you play with your dogs and probably have sex and watch tv together. you have met her whole hungarian family and you had a pomegranate party. yes, a fucking pomegranate party. how cool are you?
in theory: you could have been a good boyfriend for me based on interests....
reading Koren Zailckas’ memoir, Fury. i thoroughly enjoyed her first, Smashed, although i did not relate to much of the content (it was about a teen drinking problem which i never had, and never can have now that i have no been a teenager for 2 years. here’s to hoping i won’t develop an adult drinking problem, either). but just because i did not exactly relate, it does not mean i...
"so wanted to test this whole "am I really lactose...
this is some girl’s facebook status. lactose and tolerant? so she is trying to see if she is actually ‘lactose’, a component of dairy, and if she is ‘tolerant.’
well, silly girl, you are a human being, so no you are NOT lactose. and as for tolerant? you may be, and so am i, but one thing i am NOT tolerant of is people with horrible grammar/spelling/constant messing...
moment 4 lyfe
vacation is pretty much over. there are 6 days left, 2 of which i’ll be working. there are no plans for daycations. even if i wanted to do something fun, the funds are nonexistent. i didn’t do all of the things i said i wanted to do. i didn’t add to my story. no inspiration has come to me, although the characters walk about in my head asking me when i’m going to tell their...
day 18 - a picture of your best friend
emily laura mae, best friend ever. i know that i can trust her and count on her for anything, she saves me on a daily basis.
spring 2011
i’m thinking of taking a big break this semester from having a social life. it’s not that i can’t balance school/work/socializing. i clearly have done my whole academic life. i do very well in school, and when i don’t, it’s not because i was out too late. it’s because of other factors. but this semester, i really think i’m going to be holed up in my room a...
day 18- greatest fear/greatest dream
um we already did fears but I said mine was not accomplishing everything I want to accomplish in my life. My greatest dream is being a Great author and an even better mom. I’m going to teach my children the French language, and feminist values. And that it’s ok to be yourself no matter what color or orientation you are, and that at the end of the day it’s you who has to live with yourself so make...
dream weaver
i had a dream that i was house sitting at my grandma’s old house in queens and it was summer weather but it was still january, and my family came home and they gave me this gorgeous purple dress and heels and told me to put them on but i didn’t want to ruin them. and then people started gathering in the yard and i realized it was people i knew from high school and they were all dressed...
if you aren't fighting for yourself, who is going...
go out and change the world you live in; it is the...
love is a life-stlye.
love knows what “no” means.
love means thinking the other person looks beautiful at their worst and phenomenal at their best.
love means forgiveness.
love is exhilleration.
love is knowing when to back off, and when to persue.
love is sharing secrets.
love is near or far.
love will save you.
& love will break you down.
but love is so worth it.
day 15 - your celebrity crush
oh man i could go on and on and onnnnn for hours about celebrity crushes. it kind of bothers me, i like to feel studious and to feel above all the bullshit but show me a picture of michael cera and i am totally melted.
1. michael. he is just so adorable and i feel like if i were walking the streets of toronto and he bumped into me and i dropped my purse, he actually would say he was sorry and...
day 14 - your thoughts on drugs and alcohol
i used to be completely against alcohol (mostly underage) and drugs (in general). i’ve never once considered myself straight-edge, but i guess it could be compared to straight-edgedness? i’m not really sure why i felt this way, i don’t remember anyone in my life teaching me to be against these things. in general i don’t remember any discussions about drugs, drinking, or sex...